Anxiety

The rest is for the better
It’s said ‘sleep is for the weak’
Suppose that trying makes one tired
And makes one need his sleep
Suppose that giving in,
Letting go of ones control,
Could make one see the reason for it
And give him save from woe

Until ones tired of this way
Suffering one just gives in
And only then does it begin
Observation
For no win

I’d pay the extra currency just to access retrospect
To see it through, to separate, and know it in my bones
Except
The darkest moment seems so real
Tearing consciousness from me
Telling me of what I know
Disdaining the unknown
Till I was over thrown
Not shown
That impulse
Taken up in fear
Can be worse than a hundred tears

It made me lose my way
One may be right to say
That is ‘Maybe it’s just a different way’
But heartfelt degradation
Despite of hesitation
Made me know that I had torn myself
From realisation
For visualisation
When desire replaced
My destiny

So I watched and payed a price
A sum I won’t pay twice
Or maybe that I will
At least I know it comes of will,
The shining serpent of my mind
That convinces one to kill
Yet
No need that I have found
No sensation or thill
Has ever taught me love of life
To follow feeling
Not the bill.
For mistakes have taught me well
Virtue, Sin, and Self
Have now to access
Heaven and Hell
Just a shadow on a shining surface
Separate from self.

I try not to talk it knowingly
As if I knew a thing
For truth is that I don’t
And it’s not me that writes these things

 


-Ben

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Photographer: Kat Jayne

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