Caves: #Cycles 6

The volcano opened into me
unexpectedly whipping out,
lashing me into feelings long dormant.

I provoked the eruption
Dancing around it’s openings,
Prancing the periphery,
Singing carelessly into the unknown
Of the caves of conscience
That I had long not entered
Until that day

The lashes tore the mask off my face,
Ripping me from comfort,
Peeling my clinging fingers from safety
I fell

The way to redemption became clear.
As the mist lifted,
That of the healing path opened itself to me…
The path through the caves.

I entered into the darkness.

Days turned to weeks turned to months.
I followed onward
Into the full wrath of the shadows,
Enduring the torment of lost knowledge

Until the shadows opened up the truth to me…
The truth was my death.

Yet in the moment of death
When my light flickered to an end,
The possibility of new beginnings arose at the deepest point,

The inevitable possibility as heirophany birthed itself
In the form of seeds of new light.

From a seed
A new self,
Born as the centre of a new light,
Blossomed forth.

Then it was that I learned,
I was ready to grow.

 


-Ben

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Universe

I the Universe explore myself

I can see myself through many eyes

Green trees and colourful flowers

And rage and pain and all of the things

Supple I play with shapes and lights

And smiles and giggles and places and nights

However could I find myself tired of this game

When there is so much to me

To explore and to name

I the universe explore myself

Aren’t I lucky

-Ben

pexels-photo-574116.jpeg

Master’s Trip

The Donkey carries his master on his back. With purposeful strides he makes his way down the tree streaked road. Prints from former caravans smoothen the path, and the Donkey traces them with the pride of a Son with his Father.

The master was on his way to a very important opportunity of his. He was going to be promoted to the head of the hood charity: An organisation that helped the poor and those in need by supplying them with food, and company on tough nights.

This is taking too long, the Master thought. I need to get there before sundown or I will miss the meeting.

He stuck his left hand in his supply bag, pulled out a loaf of bread. With his right,  he proffered it to the Donkey, dangling it in front of his nose.

The Donkey ate it, and felt ripples of energy pass through his body. The Donkey knew he would need more to really get his belly filled, but he enjoyed his bread and carried on down the path.

For miles they walked onward into the afternoon, walking over hills, and through the fields and forests. Occasionally they took breaks to rest and sit for minutes of bliss in the bask of the sun and the velvet grass.

Yet The Master was not contented. The Donkey has been well behaved, yes, but this was not fast enough. We will not make the goal of sunset, he thought.

He grabbed an apple from his sack and proffered it. The Donkey ate it from his hand.

The Donkey again was going to need more to really fill him. But munching on the apple, he felt even better, stronger, and could walk further than ever. The donkey enjoyed his apple.

In exchange, his Master demanded him to walk further in-between breaks.

This is a fair game, The Master thought. I gave him more food, and therefore he has more energy. I expect him to try his best.

A muffin for The Donkey. Or maybe two… He proffered 3 muffins in succession, and The Donkey bit into the buttery goodness delightfully.

The Donkey continued onward, over a bridge, and down under the shade of the trees, slowly digesting these balls of tastiness.  He felt great.

Although he did notice that he could not walk as quickly as he could yesterday.

The Master noticed too. He was now becoming agitated. There was no more time for rests. It was important that they sped up. I’ll give the mule more incentive, he thought.

A Pie… 2 Pies! He proffered them. The Donkey hesitated, then ate.

Now it will speed up, The Master thought. I expect that it will do it’s job and take me to take me where I need be.

The Donkey sweated, feeling heavier with every step. He no longer felt good. He felt tired, and could not walk as fast as he used to. Angered, The Master breathed heavily.

He gave the Donkey more.

This should do it, he thought. A cake for the Donkey: He proffered it as before. the Donkey, not feeling good, trusted his master, ate the cake.

After a mile of lumbering and gasping, the Donkey fell. He had been exhausted and was too large to walk. He did not understand why his master had given him the food, and why he felt so bad for eating it. He thought and wished that he had never eaten any of his masters food. He passed out.

The Master got off of the donkey, and walked off down the road and into the distance without him.

A few hours later, he clopped back down the road with another Donkey. Other caravans took the route, and upon finding one, negotiated a price.

The Donkey had awoken two hours beforehand, and the hope of his Master coming back had dimmed from a glow to a flicker.

Maybe I was too quick to judge Master, the Donkey thought, he has come back to save me.

The Master removed The Donkey’s clothes, his equipment, his saddle, and the boxes of food that The Donkey had carried on his back, strapping it all onto the new Donkey.

The Master hopped onto New Donkey and rode off into the sunset.

-Ben

Quiet

“Big Issue!”

God, she’s always there, so annoying. Down through the quieter streets, thinking, looking, headache; shit.

I stop and make a note on my phone; the next idea that people centuries away will dig up somehow and realise.

Walking past ‘SmootheI’s’. It’s that girl again, shit. My legs keep walking and I bend over, put my hands on my legs and stare at the floor. Reversing my stride, I walk myself into the Smoothie shop. There she is serving customers. I’m second in line, shit her eyes look so pretty today, she’s always smiling when I see her.

First in line:

“Hi there how can I help you?”

I open my mout-

“Can I have a Jasmine, strawberry and caramel love?” An older guy behind me spoke.

“You can have what ever you can afford.”

I’m standing right here. Why can’t she see me? I’m going red and I just want to swear at myself really loudly. Everything looks like a painting and I’m not in it.

 


 

Why the fuck did that happen?! I don’t even remember walking away. It’s still the only thing that I can think about. Now I’m sat here eating biscuits and I feel sick. More biscuits.

The cupboards are empty. Television. It’s late. Alcohol? No… I can’t hurt myself like that, just go to bed…

I can taste my pillow, wet and salty, and my breath sounds like a steam train on a cold crisp morning.

 


 

It’s morning down the quieter streets. Say it: “Black coffee to go please.”

So many other coffee shops. Why get one in a smoothie shop?

Open the door, step towards the counter and look and the board. She is standing in front of me. Look at the board. She’s not looking, she’s smiling at the floor. Look at the board a little longer.

“Black Coffee to go please.”

She’s just smiling at the floor. Ignoring me again, she always ignores me. Why won’t she notice me? Why won’t she fucking notice me?

“Can I have a black coffee please, Love?”

“Jasmine”

“Please?”

Fire and pain.

“JASMINE!”

She looks up.

“Why don’t you ever see me?!”

“I see you.” She said.

“Okay.”

I feel like I am falling. Light headed, I smile, shaking facial tension. I turn my back to her while my legs walk me out of the door.

“Big issue.”

I can’t even think. I don’t even know. I don’t even know.

*Thump*. It sounded like the thump of my heart on the against my ribcage.

Screaming like babies. They are wailing, the people behind me, the other locals on the quieter street. I turn.

There she is, lying there: a pile of limbs. The red treacle on the floor pours into my eyes and darkness enters through my ears filling my head with a silent hush.

“Big issue! Come and get your big issue!”

Nobody bought the big issue. Not even one.

 

-Ben