To you that I have hurt

On behalf of myself

I am writing to say

I’m sorry

For all of the pain

The heartache

The sleepless nights coiled up in fetal positions

I never thought I could

Hurt anyone like I have

And I did

But before I hurt you

Before I ever hurt anybody

Know that I hurt me first

That the means through which pI grew to love myself was through the gritted teeth and the sweat and tears

Lifting the bars that I put on my own shoulders

I tied my wrists to the metal clink of burning

Walking through the early hours on abandoned streets with only one thing on my mind “you can do better”

So I ripped through my own lungs, my own heartstrings, as punishment for what I didn’t become, and what I was born to be

And then I met you

So soft

So sweet

And I never meant to hurt you, ever

But I did

And from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.

Treat yourself well, and never let another hurt you like I did. Please.

Yours for eternity


Ben

The White Light

The white light wraps around my brain.

Taking another hit

I scamper to the home screen

With the knowingness that it’s not what I need

But it’s what I want

I check all 6 of my social media platforms, refreshing them two times each just in case someone decided to reach out to me.

Then I drink deeply from the feed.

Scrolling sips of sustenance for my starved mind. The mind that left this body just for a while to become a part of something bigger, greater.

[A commune of hungry ghosts searching for freedom]

I tape my eyes to the screen, i try to leave

With the realisation that it’s not what I want

But it’s what I need

And I can’t


-Ben

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