The White Light

The white light wraps around my brain.

Taking another hit

I scamper to the home screen

With the knowingness that it’s not what I need

But it’s what I want

I check all 6 of my social media platforms, refreshing them two times each just in case someone decided to reach out to me.

Then I drink deeply from the feed.

Scrolling sips of sustenance for my starved mind. The mind that left this body just for a while to become a part of something bigger, greater.

[A commune of hungry ghosts searching for freedom]

I tape my eyes to the screen, i try to leave

With the realisation that it’s not what I want

But it’s what I need

And I can’t


-Ben

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Doom Cocoon

When I’m pulled in the direction of my doom
A cringed face
A tug on my gut
That feels at once so wrong and at once so right
Like I enjoy my own demise
Like the rush of a vanishing act gone right
I could show you all in a moment just who I really am, including the shadows

LOOK AT ME

SEE ME

I scream silent throbs in my head

and I swallow the pleasure whole
I don’t even taste it
Just want to drown underneath it
Like my favourite blanket
So that i can’t hear anything anymore
except the dull hum of this womb-ish cocoon

A respite from the responsibility of my own pain,

My shallow deep breath,

and a waking sleep for my soul

 

but it doesn’t want to be asleep.

 


Ben

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Image by Kristina Paukshtite