The Relationship Polarity. Understanding Sexual Dynamics.

This post is for anyone interested in sexual dynamics, and especially for anyone that is struggling or frustrated in a relationship.

Note that during this post I speak in the terms ‘Guy’ and ‘Girl’ to represent the poles of the Masculine and Feminine energies, regardless of gender.


We live in a world in which we feel that we largely have control over our lives and our selves. This is an age of empowerment, and in such a world we want to change the world and make our mark. This is healthy; this is a fantastic thing; it is exciting stuff. HOWEVER… As with any positive, there comes a negative, and this quality is no exception. Our want to change people and the way they think can work to our detriment.

For most people, this manifests itself in relationships.

A guy and a girl meet. From the moment that they see each-other, immediately there is a spark of attraction. A ripple of pleasure shoots through each of their bodies upon making eye contact. The two share themselves with each other, and the two become close. Yet still, all is very mysterious, the possibilities are as an endless horizon. Eventually they become intimate and spend the night together. This process could happen in an hour or a month or more or less. They continue to share each others intimacies, and they become a couple, or they teeter off.

They stay together for a while, and despite their differences, they continue to share their intimacies and be generally fulfilled… Only after a while, the other starts to get on their nerves.

“She so unreasonable! She’s just so over-emotional.”

“He’s so driven, I wish he would put our relationship first, it should be his main priority.”

This is a generalisation, however I’m sure you’ve felt something along these lines in regards to someone. (regardless of gender)

I would like to introduce you to an idea.

This idea is that of the masculine and feminine energies. It is based on the Chinese philosophy of the Yin and Yang aspects of being, constantly moving, balancing each-other out in the dance of existence.

Hot and Cold, Day and Night, Up and Down, Left and Right. Polar opposites working together in harmony to form a complementary whole.

The Masculine and the Feminine Polarities:

The Masculine Essence: The masculine essence is attracted to the feminine essence.

Qualities of Masculine Essence, Examples:

  • Rational, methodical.
  • Fights for freedom/release.
  • What is said and done is based on facts and ideas/words.
  • Grows by challenge.
  • Penetrates way through life.
  • Main Priority is Higher Purpose of life.
  • Prefers to be in control.
  • Guns, Fighting, Sports

The Feminine Essence: The feminine essence is attracted to the masculine essence.

Qualities of Feminine Essence, Examples:

  • Emotional.
  • to be filled.
  • What is said and done is based on feelings in the moment.
  • Grows by praise.
  • Feels way through life.
  • Main Priority is Relationship.
  • Prefers to let loose.
  • Music, Nature, Dancing

Now, let me make this PERFECTLY CLEAR: Everyone has both masculine and feminine elements. One might even be neutral/both/none.

The important point that I am making is that one is attracted sexually one’s opposite. Meaning if you are in a relationship with someone you are sexually-attracted to, then the things that make you different are what KEEPS you both polarised/sexually-attracted to one another. Meaning that you are not going to understand each other completely. You are not going to be the same. The things that make you different are often the things that you fear about another individual, but they are also the same things that attract you sexually to the very same individual.

Keep this in mind firmly when you feel like changing your partner. You might be depolarising your relationship; you might ‘rub off’ on each other as it were. Ask yourself do you really want her to be more like you? (and vice versa) You won’t have anything beautiful to see in your partner is they are just you, you might as well look in the mirror.

Let this digest a little. Have a think about it, or even better, let it sink in and feel as to whether you can relate to any of the above. Do you control your partner because of fear?


A big point to note is that according to the laws of Yin and Yang, these two polar opposites will always balance eachother out. This is so with relationships. If you are neutral, your partner will likely eventually become neutral. If you are the more masculine, your partner will balance you by becoming more feminine. And the more polarised the couple are, the more of a magnetic pull there will be. The partner with the more feminine essence will compensate by becoming more masculine, when the masculine is not meeting the feminine at her level and vice versa.

This is a serious revelation to be aware of.

Do use this blog post as a tool to possibly identify where you stand in regards to your core essence, and where you stand in regards to the polarity of your relationship…

OR much much better, read one of David Deida’s books... If this post has challenged you, or sparked feelings inside of you, then I would encourage that you do so. You will be challenged. You will find gifts: Read one.

This idea was taken and inspired directly from the book: ‘The Way of the Superior Man’. Here is an Amazon link

I have no affiliation with David or any of his books or his publishers, I have merely been struck by the value of this concept as a revelation for myself. I hope you will be served by these insights also.

Let me finish with a great quote by the Taoist Sage, Lao Tzu:

“He who knows others is clever; He who knows himself has discernment.”


-Ben

If you were sparked this post, then I would recommend that you check out this post also.

How do you feel about this post. Do you have any further resources or ideas that you’d like to share with people? I’d love to know your thoughts! Comment down below.

 

How to get out of a Rut!

We all want to be our best selves, we all want to live our best lives.

Yet so few of us actually do so! Bucket loads of potential is wasted every day by plethoras of people thinking about what could have been done, or why it cannot be done now; Most people do this. That is why most people are NOT their best selves.

I say this only as someone who has partaken in negative thinking incessantly for the vast majority of my life. SO much energy wasted on creating negative patterns of thinking which led to negative actions and behaviour, which led to me feeling… you guessed it, like a pile of s***.

I call this pattern a rut. You’ve heard the saying. ‘Being stuck in a rut‘. Never did I think about what this really means.

Litterally: A rut is a vehicle track created by repeating the same path over and over and over, so much so that it becomes the only easy path to it’s end once a vehicle is in it.

To get out of a rut, one has to get out of the vehicle that they are travelling in, take a good look around, decide he’s had enough, and climb the hell out of there. To get out of a rut, one needs to remove HIMSELF from the rut, and take a NEW path. This involves leaving the well trodden trail behind. This involves going your own way: putting YOUR purpose FIRST.

Be your own vehicle for change.

Now if you feel like you are stuck in a rut, which most of us are to some degree. Here is what I would offer you:


STOP what you are doing now. I want you to look at the thoughts that come up for yourself. Are they positive, are they negative? Are they conducive to LOVE and CREATION? and most importantly, DO THEY SUPPORT YOU?

If your thoughts are not supporting you, then I reccomend checking out


YOU first. If you want to grow, you must prioritise your purpose on this earth before all else. And once you begin to say yes to this, your purpose will come to you, oh yes it will, and you will float up the fruits of the tree of life and receive the blessings from your toil.

But this ain’t going to be easy, this is why anyone rarely does it. They stay in the rut, and moan about being in a rut to themselves. I’ve done it too. A lot.

To face your fears is to ‘kiss your shadows’ and become intimate with that which causes you pain. This is a part of life… and to live fully is oh so full of life.

For those of you in a rut. Who do you need to be in order to share your gift with the world? Who do you need to be in order to fulfil your true purpose in life? Only you can know. One can only ask for guidance in return for the expression of your gifts.

To finish, following my former post, another quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

‘To be great is to be misunderstood.’

Be great. Be true. Be you.

P.S. If you have any interesting resources that you’d like to share, send them over! I’m always looking for new insight and inspiration.

Your friend,

Ben


If you liked this post then here’s another post that you might enjoy. 

Photography by James Frid

Caves: #Cycles 6

The volcano opened into me
unexpectedly whipping out,
lashing me into feelings long dormant.

I provoked the eruption
Dancing around it’s openings,
Prancing the periphery,
Singing carelessly into the unknown
Of the caves of conscience
That I had long not entered
Until that day

The lashes tore the mask off my face,
Ripping me from comfort,
Peeling my clinging fingers from safety
I fell

The way to redemption became clear.
As the mist lifted,
That of the healing path opened itself to me…
The path through the caves.

I entered into the darkness.

Days turned to weeks turned to months.
I followed onward
Into the full wrath of the shadows,
Enduring the torment of lost knowledge

Until the shadows opened up the truth to me…
The truth was my death.

Yet in the moment of death
When my light flickered to an end,
The possibility of new beginnings arose at the deepest point,

The inevitable possibility as heirophany birthed itself
In the form of seeds of new light.

From a seed
A new self,
Born as the centre of a new light,
Blossomed forth.

Then it was that I learned,
I was ready to grow.

 


-Ben

If you like this post, then I’d recommend checking out this post also.