Remnants of love

Never did I believe in love at first sight til I met her,

The floor fell from underneath my throat and my eyes saw only flowers

The remnants that I keep of that night are the chips of my past that were never washed in the tight lips that spoke a thousand truths in an instant [without saying anything] and in a daze were gone

And we walked for morning coffee along the tree strewn path and the leaves and the sunlight danced like the cistine chapel in our wake

She held my hand and led me to a dark corner to whisper in my ear. She told me about love and I didn’t believe her until she was gone.

The next day was grey from the night before. Reason tasted like cookies from school; raisins; off.
I felt like a lake in the moon light, left only with the still reflection of what could have been had I been quite right in the head.

Yet the unknowing is the loudest silence

the roaring thunder of torment that lingers on the lips of the assailed – nothing.

My arms have gone

My arms have gone

they jumped overboard

all that is left are the

blood stains of yesterday

and the stumps of tomorrow

still I pick at them

the scabs of my eternal imprisonment

asking “when does this end, when will it end?!”

Knowing full well that the death of yesterday is the birth of tomorrow

and so I am cradled

in the womb of the wound

hushed at the bossom of the great mother

who holds me steady and reminds me of my birthing teeth

and my small hands that scratch at rocks

yet are capable of so much love

 

I am the body in purgatory that speaks when it is not needed

I am the gluttony and the prudence that weighs the scales down till they bend at the joints

I’ll be the flower that in death by starvation in the desert of my mind

casts its seed into the fertile land of the heart

to let it bloom

 


-Ben

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Patience

From fallow bliss,
Love’s remiss
To recognise a natures kiss
When paralysed among the shallows

From faith in wanderlust
Resting such
To quiet where the settled dust
Magnetise assists

When to resist
The pleasure, youthful amethyst
Then realise the painful truth
That love or not
Is all that we can do

 

A long forgotten syncretist
Found in me and you

 


-Ben

If you liked this piece, then here’s another that you might like!

Also, as this is my 100th published blog post (!), I would just like to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who supports me in my endeavour to create a safe space for others in the form of this blog. I’m truly grateful for all of the kind words.

Love to you all. x

How to Help those around you that Suffer with Depression or Mental Illness.

This is a post for people who are dealing with a friend or loved one who is struggling with their mental health. This is what I wish those around me had known in my darkest periods.*

Send them unrelenting, unceasing, unending love. Penetrate through their state with gifts of your love and humour, and show them the light. Inflate them with your state and guide them with practical advice on the next steps. ‘This is what you’re going to do. And I’m going to do it with you.’

You need to be their ground. While they are bouncing off the walls, being irrational, going ups and down in their mood, you are so fixated on your mission, that you cannot be flapped, you cannot be moved off course. Because your mission is to uplift yourself, and them with you.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that you are responsible for their mood. There should be no martyrdom involved here. You CANNOT take responsibility for their mood and current state. It is NOT your fault. And it in would be selfish and unhelpful to assume so.

What you are is a shining light, and that is what you must be and nourish within yourself. You must focus on your growth, and the maintenance of your light. Which means putting yourself FIRST.

You cannot help anyone if your light goes out.

You are going to bring people up. You’re not going to let anyone bring you down. Whoever is most sure person in the room will be the most influential. This is why you need to be fixated on your goal of uplifting yourself and others with you, and you must live in alignment with this.

Know that everything is unfolding perfectly, as it should. Everything happens because it needs to.

“…I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul…” – William Ernest Henley

-Ben

If you found this helpful, then here’s another post that might be of value to you.

*This article is not meant as an alternative to professional care and advice. It is meant to be complementary.