How to Help those around you that Suffer with Depression or Mental Illness.

This is a post for people who are dealing with a friend or loved one who is struggling with their mental health. This is what I wish those around me had known in my darkest periods.*

Send them unrelenting, unceasing, unending love. Penetrate through their state with gifts of your love and humour, and show them the light. Inflate them with your state and guide them with practical advice on the next steps. ‘This is what you’re going to do. And I’m going to do it with you.’

You need to be their ground. While they are bouncing off the walls, being irrational, going ups and down in their mood, you are so fixated on your mission, that you cannot be flapped, you cannot be moved off course. Because your mission is to uplift yourself, and them with you.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that you are responsible for their mood. There should be no martyrdom involved here. You CANNOT take responsibility for their mood and current state. It is NOT your fault. And it in would be selfish and unhelpful to assume so.

What you are is a shining light, and that is what you must be and nourish within yourself. You must focus on your growth, and the maintenance of your light. Which means putting yourself FIRST.

You cannot help anyone if your light goes out.

You are going to bring people up. You’re not going to let anyone bring you down. Whoever is most sure person in the room will be the most influential. This is why you need to be fixated on your goal of uplifting yourself and others with you, and you must live in alignment with this.

Know that everything is unfolding perfectly, as it should. Everything happens because it needs to.

“…I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul…” – William Ernest Henley

-Ben

If you found this helpful, then here’s another post that might be of value to you.

*This article is not meant as an alternative to professional care and advice. It is meant to be complementary.

The Colours

Fear,

Lingers in the heart,

Always eating at the colours.

One learns to bear it,

Two they learn to suffer,

Three they learn to Love.

One can’t fill an empty heart with words.

Fire and candle sticks

Burn out when unattended,

And the dialectical frown of the introvert

Doesn’t understand why

Because it can’t.

It’s closed.

-Ben

Photograph by lalesh aldarwish

The Relationship Polarity. Understanding Sexual Dynamics.

This post is for anyone interested in sexual dynamics, and especially for anyone that is struggling or frustrated in a relationship.

Note that during this post I speak in the terms ‘Guy’ and ‘Girl’ to represent the poles of the Masculine and Feminine energies, regardless of gender.


We live in a world in which we feel that we largely have control over our lives and our selves. This is an age of empowerment, and in such a world we want to change the world and make our mark. This is healthy; this is a fantastic thing; it is exciting stuff. HOWEVER… As with any positive, there comes a negative, and this quality is no exception. Our want to change people and the way they think can work to our detriment.

For most people, this manifests itself in relationships.

A guy and a girl meet. From the moment that they see each-other, immediately there is a spark of attraction. A ripple of pleasure shoots through each of their bodies upon making eye contact. The two share themselves with each other, and the two become close. Yet still, all is very mysterious, the possibilities are as an endless horizon. Eventually they become intimate and spend the night together. This process could happen in an hour or a month or more or less. They continue to share each others intimacies, and they become a couple, or they teeter off.

They stay together for a while, and despite their differences, they continue to share their intimacies and be generally fulfilled… Only after a while, the other starts to get on their nerves.

“She so unreasonable! She’s just so over-emotional.”

“He’s so driven, I wish he would put our relationship first, it should be his main priority.”

This is a generalisation, however I’m sure you’ve felt something along these lines in regards to someone. (regardless of gender)

I would like to introduce you to an idea.

This idea is that of the masculine and feminine energies. It is based on the Chinese philosophy of the Yin and Yang aspects of being, constantly moving, balancing each-other out in the dance of existence.

Hot and Cold, Day and Night, Up and Down, Left and Right. Polar opposites working together in harmony to form a complementary whole.

The Masculine and the Feminine Polarities:

The Masculine Essence: The masculine essence is attracted to the feminine essence.

Qualities of Masculine Essence, Examples:

  • Rational, methodical.
  • Fights for freedom/release.
  • What is said and done is based on facts and ideas/words.
  • Grows by challenge.
  • Penetrates way through life.
  • Main Priority is Higher Purpose of life.
  • Prefers to be in control.
  • Guns, Fighting, Sports

The Feminine Essence: The feminine essence is attracted to the masculine essence.

Qualities of Feminine Essence, Examples:

  • Emotional.
  • to be filled.
  • What is said and done is based on feelings in the moment.
  • Grows by praise.
  • Feels way through life.
  • Main Priority is Relationship.
  • Prefers to let loose.
  • Music, Nature, Dancing

Now, let me make this PERFECTLY CLEAR: Everyone has both masculine and feminine elements. One might even be neutral/both/none.

The important point that I am making is that one is attracted sexually one’s opposite. Meaning if you are in a relationship with someone you are sexually-attracted to, then the things that make you different are what KEEPS you both polarised/sexually-attracted to one another. Meaning that you are not going to understand each other completely. You are not going to be the same. The things that make you different are often the things that you fear about another individual, but they are also the same things that attract you sexually to the very same individual.

Keep this in mind firmly when you feel like changing your partner. You might be depolarising your relationship; you might ‘rub off’ on each other as it were. Ask yourself do you really want her to be more like you? (and vice versa) You won’t have anything beautiful to see in your partner is they are just you, you might as well look in the mirror.

Let this digest a little. Have a think about it, or even better, let it sink in and feel as to whether you can relate to any of the above. Do you control your partner because of fear?


A big point to note is that according to the laws of Yin and Yang, these two polar opposites will always balance eachother out. This is so with relationships. If you are neutral, your partner will likely eventually become neutral. If you are the more masculine, your partner will balance you by becoming more feminine. And the more polarised the couple are, the more of a magnetic pull there will be. The partner with the more feminine essence will compensate by becoming more masculine, when the masculine is not meeting the feminine at her level and vice versa.

This is a serious revelation to be aware of.

Do use this blog post as a tool to possibly identify where you stand in regards to your core essence, and where you stand in regards to the polarity of your relationship…

OR much much better, read one of David Deida’s books... If this post has challenged you, or sparked feelings inside of you, then I would encourage that you do so. You will be challenged. You will find gifts: Read one.

This idea was taken and inspired directly from the book: ‘The Way of the Superior Man’. Here is an Amazon link

I have no affiliation with David or any of his books or his publishers, I have merely been struck by the value of this concept as a revelation for myself. I hope you will be served by these insights also.

Let me finish with a great quote by the Taoist Sage, Lao Tzu:

“He who knows others is clever; He who knows himself has discernment.”


-Ben

If you were sparked this post, then I would recommend that you check out this post also.

How do you feel about this post. Do you have any further resources or ideas that you’d like to share with people? I’d love to know your thoughts! Comment down below.

 

Incantations have warped my understanding of reality.

Incantations are a bullsh*t I always thought… well not quite.

I had experimented with Incantations in the past, and not to much avail. There was always a moment of catharsis, and what I thought was false confidence, at the time. I did persist with them for a week or three, but I didn’t really believe in what I was doing and as such came to yield no fruits from my labours.

Above all, the trouble with Incantations is if you do not EMBODY them, then they are merely words. When they are merely words, they are merely affirmations. A squeally yoga mum telling herself that she is a strong indendent woman, but not necessarily actually EMBODYING this statement. This is largely where I went wrong. And this is most people go wrong. We all know that words can take on a different meaning hourly depending on our feelings that day. It is not the words, it is what the words are pointing to, and the experience that they are rooting to. I like a quote by the philosopher Alan Watts. ‘…Like the finger pointing to the moon, yet instead of seeing the moon, most people suck on the finger.’

Incantations are not just words. Incantations are the complete package. To yield results, one needs to anchor these words in experience.

While reading Elliot Hulse’s ‘Non Jobs Revolution’ (a fantastic read which I highly recommend), I came across his version of Incantations. For me, this is the most effective way to go about Incantations, and I can speak from experience when I say, it works!


Here’s how it works:

1.  Firstly going back in your mind to an experience that made you feel like you were walking on air, elated, powerful. Whatever is in line with the state that the Incantation is pointing towards. Now you play the video of the experience over in your head, being there, hearing the sounds, seeing the sights, tasting the air.

2.  Feelings are going to come up at this point. Feel them. You might smile or laugh, be there now. Don’t cling to them, but let them arise within you like a volcano. You’ve got FIRE in your belly baby…

3.  Now you must speak your affirmation with conviction. One Incantation that I have chosen, and that has made a MASSIVE psychological difference to me is ‘I am Limitless‘. Say it as if you flipping mean it… and do flipping MEAN IT.

4.  Now anchor these emotions into your body with a gesture. I like to fist pump my arms in front of me as if I am about to get into a championship ring and get it done.

Now you have affirmed yourself.

You can use multiple affirmations. Any time that you are feeling unsure of yourself. AFFIRM yourself. Stand firmly in your own ground and be the person that you want to become.

This technique is completely parallel with my own experience with an acting Method that i used to train in called ‘The Meisner Technique’. It is a method acting tool that allows you to get into the emotional state of the character that you are going to become for the performance. It worked brilliantly.

Life is a also performance… You can be the leading man/woman, or you can be the understudy.

Note:

Using affirmations is a practice. for real: bold, italic, AND underlined.

In order to yield results you must practice them consistently. It is going to feel strange at first and this is normal. One doesn’t build a beach body from a ‘dad bod’ (hate that term) over night, and you’re not going to become someone completely new overnight either.

Take this technique and any time that you catch yourself falling into a pattern of negative thinking, eg: “I don’t know” “I can’t do it” “I literally have no friends”, affirm yourself. Give your negative thinking a metaphorical kick in the ass, meet it with your chest up and head-butt it in the face by replacing it with thinking patterns that will support your growth, support your change into a new person, and support YOU.

Incantations are yielding results for me that I never thought possible. They have changed the way that I look at myself. I have come to realise through affirmations that I manifest my own reality. I create my thoughts, and my thoughts create me.

I hope this technique can help some of you on your own paths.

There is a great quote by the Taoist sage Lao Tzu:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words

Watch your words, they become actions

Watch your actions, they become habits

Watch your habits, they become character

Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”


-Ben

P.S: If you’ve got any thoughts on this post, drop me a line! I’d love to hear from you.

If you liked this post, then I’d recommend you checking out this post also.

The Flowers: Cycles #5

Cycles move
Cycles change
Cycles come and go away

The path is green
And dark
And frayed

Many wander through it
Missing the sights

I miss this
I say to my lover
Perched in an old Beech tree
Seeing things
I used to miss
the way it used to be…

The birds skim trees
Making music
Silhouette the evening sky.
Some searching
Pack their tiny wings
Dive bomb fall down, then rise

On my way through opening, closing gates
I see
A flower stick out among the stinging nettles

We wander
Never knowing
Really
Where we are going
Or what we will do
Me and my best friend
Follow the way,
I don’t say anything
Just watch him
Rustle through the brush

On stone I sit
Still
I can feel the dry powder top,
And wander when this has to end
Remembering cycles,
Cycles,
The tragedy of the spirit
The most beautiful thing that could be…

Now I weep for the day that you go, my love
If I grow and shrink to become old and wrinkled
And I’ll be the old man looking at the flowers
I hope that I can speak to you of that day
And hold your hand as we pass away
Completing the cycles
Together

 

-Ben

Little One

Your coat is warm to the touch

Bathing in the sun again

The sleepy look on your face

says it all

You know

Don’t you?

Your tail is wagging like a lunatic

Sorry I have to leave you

Little one

I know you can smell it on me

The sadness

Your little nose is twitching like it does when you know

You’re still smiling at the goodbye’s

Nuzzling the rope to unknown lands

And the guarded green realms

Tilting your head at me

It’s Christmas again because I gave you a treat

Running around all of the corners

Wiggling all over the place

The Wobbliest In the evening

You know the punch line to all of my jokes

And the voices I make when I’m happy or sad

You always snuggle up to me

Or stand in the open

looking up to see

how to fix it

You put your head on my lap and followed my eyes with yours

As we said goodbye

 

 


Ben

If you like this post, then I’d recommend checking out <a href"https://benharleyartscom.wordpress.com/2018/05/13/wandering/"this post also.