The Truth

I wander streets in the night, I do. I practice kung fu under the street lights at the end of a dark road at quarter to 2.

Sometimes I thought I had it all figured out.

Swivelling between knowing and unknowing the point of the universe and all of its problems.

It’s a feeling and it comes up deep from my balls and my gut, and my head opens as if it was the same as everything else all along.

Talking about it sometimes, people think I’ve gone crazy. I feel it never occurred to them that I’ve seen something that possibly they haven’t.

It’s true that it’s selfish, but I struggle to see where else I can start other than from the self.

Or maybe the cork popped up in the old brain and I’m now a walking liability.

I don’t know.

I think about words sometimes. Trying to figure out why and where from. My need for insecurity rearing its little nose.

Liability: The ability to lie.

Sometimes I feel like I want to die. It sinks quickly from the high of fullness, down to the low of lost.

I miss the old days that never were, and I miss the opportunity for a life in a fantasy kingdom imagined by writers in a writing room.

I sometimes feel like a ripple a pond. Sometimes I feel like a grain of sand at the bottom of an ocean.

The way the world is looking scares me and I don’t know what to do about it… Is it the feeling or the world?

I love myself, and I hate myself too.

And I get confused about who ‘myself’ is every day.

My back aches from the weary neglect of hours at gyms in the night. And the sweat of anxiety linger as scars to today.i

It’s easy to forget that there is nothing to lose in telling the truth.

-Ben

When tired of Dancing…

It will always be this way,

This moment,

This happening now,

The moment in which you feel.

The choice is a dichotomy

To notice

Or not to notice.

If one notices

One see’s that feelings are neither

Good or Bad…

Feelings just are.

I promise

It will get better.

And then worst

And then better again.

That’s the game

The roller coaster

The dance.

I asked the other to dance with me,

Later I realised

That it was already dancing,

All of this time, dancing,

And I was a part of it.

One wonders whether life is about

Fighting or loving.

But they both live in one another.

Fighters love,

and lovers fight.

On the best of days it should never end,

On the worst of days it should end now,

The balance is always kept.

The thing

Is that no thing is alone.

Can we let our feelings be our teachers

And dance with them

Wherever they may be?

-Ben

‘The earth has music for those who listen’ – William Shakespeare

One and Other

Light and grounded

Floor and emptiness

More can be said of nothing and something

than each of one another

 

lengthen the short

to shorten the long

feelings knew all along

 

they swam in the waves given them

moulding paths and shapes

each moulding one another

until indistinguishable

 

The mind takes view

it carves out a separation

makes one into two and 3 into 4

 

fixing problems, creating more two’s

intervening

until too many to hold

all collapse into each other

 

Feeling need of one and other

 

the shapeless circle continues

not fighting a mind for knowing

for there is nothing to know

and no mind to know it.

 

-Ben

 

 

 

Universe

I the Universe explore myself

I can see myself through many eyes

Green trees and colourful flowers

And rage and pain and all of the things

Supple I play with shapes and lights

And smiles and giggles and places and nights

However could I find myself tired of this game

When there is so much to me

To explore and to name

I the universe explore myself

Aren’t I lucky

-Ben

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