Who am I

What am I?

The face in the mirror

Yes, I’m me, the body,

Ben

But I watch the body.

I watch fingers tapping at the keyboard

I make them move

They belong to me

I can see thoughts too,

They create swirls of feelings like ice cream cones

Trains move through the station of this head that I can feel and I’m the only passenger on the platform.

 

So I’m the passenger and there’s no one around when I really look. When I look from Me,

This floating eye moving through the landscape of dimensions that I once knew and that I could one day come to

 

Yeah

 

Possibly I’m just depressed and longing for the answer to the questions that could serve me to my sustenance

but I believe in curiosity and the fruits of persistence

When falling from the path of the heart, I throw a line and hope it finds it’s destination

 


-Ben 

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Photography by Rafael Guajardo

Remnants of love

Never did I believe in love at first sight til I met her,

The floor fell from underneath my throat and my eyes saw only flowers

The remnants that I keep of that night are the chips of my past that were never washed in the tight lips that spoke a thousand truths in an instant [without saying anything] and in a daze were gone

And we walked for morning coffee along the tree strewn path and the leaves and the sunlight danced like the cistine chapel in our wake

She held my hand and led me to a dark corner to whisper in my ear. She told me about love and I didn’t believe her until she was gone.

The next day was grey from the night before. Reason tasted like cookies from school; raisins; off.
I felt like a lake in the moon light, left only with the still reflection of what could have been had I been quite right in the head.

Yet the unknowing is the loudest silence

the roaring thunder of torment that lingers on the lips of the assailed – nothing.

Have a cup of tea

Sometimes all you need is a cup of tea

The British ‘drink the blues away’

The steamy hug of a face-mug

Choruses of warm hands and warm bellies in the morning

 

Sometimes a cup of tea makes everything okay

(Or at least a little tiny bit maybe slightly better possibly)

 


-Ben

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My arms have gone

My arms have gone

they jumped overboard

all that is left are the

blood stains of yesterday

and the stumps of tomorrow

still I pick at them

the scabs of my eternal imprisonment

asking “when does this end, when will it end?!”

Knowing full well that the death of yesterday is the birth of tomorrow

and so I am cradled

in the womb of the wound

hushed at the bossom of the great mother

who holds me steady and reminds me of my birthing teeth

and my small hands that scratch at rocks

yet are capable of so much love

 

I am the body in purgatory that speaks when it is not needed

I am the gluttony and the prudence that weighs the scales down till they bend at the joints

I’ll be the flower that in death by starvation in the desert of my mind

casts its seed into the fertile land of the heart

to let it bloom

 


-Ben

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Understanding the Dragon (story)

All these signs
Culminate.

The Wizard and Warrior,
King and Queen,
And the Lover

Return once audience is requested.

With them they bring fire and wrath, roasting Subject on its own grill. Neglect was the order of the day, and for that: “You must pay with answers and deeds”.

After many days of deliberating, eventually the fire dims, the ashes kindle, and conversation begins.

Slowly but surely, the order of the day continues for ‘under-standing’ to include understanding.

Through trials and tribulations, walls, and reclamation, friendship is born. Over time a mutual respect grows into the pillar that holds this world up on which we stand today.

With this structure born, the 4 corners of the world are held strong; reinforced with the iron of compassion and the steel of humility.

Each of the 4 corners are guarded by the Stewards of Power, the faces of energy. Here the Stewards in all their knowledge and wisdom gift and direct the energies of the kingdom in order to maintain balance and prosperity for those who would indulge in the space and the freedom of the kingdom of light.

However one day as with any empire, the pillar crumbles; trust fades.
It is here on this day that the Dragon, from deep within its cave, emerges in companionship with the Stewards of the 4 corners of light: the Wizard, The Warrior, King, and Queen, and the Lover, brewing and casting spells of madness.

Return with fire, the dragon lends them it’s form in exchange for the power that within. In the darkness together they now brew deeds of evil that dim the light of this world, bringing forth those long nights of restless slumber with little respite.

Few call for audience with these demons, in fear of the fire which these Stewards of Power wield and lash and breathe with all the splendour of creature-hood

Continuing in darkness and cold it would seem. Many say the fire is too hot, too bright, for any one person to bare alone…

These are those who run. Only they should ask… where is the Dragon now?


-Ben

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Tunnel of Fate

Biting the sides of gums until they bleed,
Barely breathing.
My knees are tapping like a Royal rodent’s limp.

Stiff backed rage tries to leave
My lips,
Tether them together
And simply simply stare red-eyed

Into the tunnel of fate

To seethe production, redemption from regular habit;
Parallel disassociation that blends
Like a thick painful smoke
That kin breathe together.

My legs would take me away for the horizon,
In green where winds blow smooth and wild,
Carrying blessings through blossomed doors from open hearts.

The world would seem a little less Grey that day…
A stream of water to be,
No more volcanoes.