Periscope

Steaming tea mists the windows and the trickles of tears remind me of winter
The grey view.
Brushing off my senses, to the real task
The mind wipes the dirt off of it’s database and rumbles into action, searching,
The vacuum whirs
A headache of knowing that you are going to do something, and you do not know what.

The ache reaches to your loins, the innermost parts of you,
pressing into the fear that underlies your every action, that you might not be able to manage today, that you might die.

But there’s no use in dying
Not today
Try finding a line, for the song of it
Even if there is nothing to say

It’s gaping you know
The truth.
I see you living in the in-between places in your mind
because of pain.
Even pain that’s not around anymore.
Even pain that you made to warm yourself.

Look at your reflection in the hourglass, sister
The only you you ever knew
and take flickers from the water,
make a periscope,
and watch them fly.

 


-Ben

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Image by Ruatsanga

Truth

My truth

isn’t the palm trees in trafalgar square

the sunny blue skies above the hurricane

the Willow stretching through the church

My truth

is the music of bird song in the garden

the whisper of the wind on the river

the lips of a lover by a streetlight

My truth

is the moments when I am

Truly

Wholly

Here.


-Ben

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Doom Cocoon

When I’m pulled in the direction of my doom
A cringed face
A tug on my gut
That feels at once so wrong and at once so right
Like I enjoy my own demise
Like the rush of a vanishing act gone right
I could show you all in a moment just who I really am, including the shadows

LOOK AT ME

SEE ME

I scream silent throbs in my head

and I swallow the pleasure whole
I don’t even taste it
Just want to drown underneath it
Like my favourite blanket
So that i can’t hear anything anymore
except the dull hum of this womb-ish cocoon

A respite from the responsibility of my own pain,

My shallow deep breath,

and a waking sleep for my soul

 

but it doesn’t want to be asleep.

 


Ben

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Image by Kristina Paukshtite

Passing names

In all the passing names I’ve been called
I’ve never been called that
That little something that lingers on the lips
Chips by the tip of your tongue
Touch it, but never quite make it
Like food that you can taste without sustenance
Because you hate the fact that you can’t swallow
What deep down in the pit of your stomach, under the vine leaves,
Might be called the truth

 


Ben

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Say it, Live it. Living your word.

Most of us make promises at some point or another about things that we are going to do, books that we are going to read, programs that we are going to destroy. Some of us start, a few of us get halfway through, but how many of us finish what we say we are going to do regardless of the discomfort involved in the process.

Discomfort isn’t ideal, unless you realise that discomfort is the process of change. The discomfort is the resonance of the dissonance between where you are now and what you need to be in order to function on that level.

Find people who are on your wavelength. Those who relish in the challenges that they set you. Set them challenges in return, and hold them accountable for that which they commit themselves to, and vice versa. Relish the challenges that they set you.

Finding ways to learn to love the challenges that face us is part of growing into strength.
The first step towards doing this is to condition yourself to stick to your word… However seemingly insignificant at the time, they all add up.

I quote this a lot, but it’s because it is great! Here’s a lovely quote by Lao Tzu that sums is up better than I possibly could:

‘Watch your thoughts, they become your words,
Watch your words, they become your actions,
Watch your actions, they become your character,
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.’


Ben

Much love folks. x

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Photography by Aleksandr Slovodianyk

I set myself a challenge to read 13 books in one month. Here’s the post on instagram in case you’re interested.

Getting out of your own way

Often the best art comes when we get out of our own ways. When we allow the spirit to write its own passages and to be its own creator. Yet… how could this be the case?
This is the hardest thing to do and to accept. Our sense of self seems to create the things that we see in front of us, but where does it really come from? The art, the ideas, the music, the life.

From where it comes is the most truthful source. Getting in touch with this source only requires that you feel into it, and get out of your own way in doing so.

Liberating, scary, relentless, brilliant… Sounds like life to me.

As a practice or meditation, try following the flow back to its source, and see what you notice about the details of your interactions with life as you do continue to do so.


-Ben

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